I've talked about the Letter Game before, but I thought I'd post a snippet of letter.
March 20, 2003- Arri's first letter
Dear Keish,
I think that I will never survive the dancing class. Yesterday, I borrowed an old recital book from Treany. I borrowed it because some of the verses are actually parts of very ancient spells. We’re not allowed to recite from spellbooks anymore, but Treany’s mother collects old books and this is part of her collection. Anyway, there’s a verse in their about shoes that can make a person graceful. So I borrowed the book and some sugar from Cook, and decided to make a spell. Mother used to make spells all the time, and they worked so well for her. Anyway, I sprinkled the sugar and recited the spell. Then I put the shoes on, but nothing happened, so I thought the spell didn’t work.
And I was right—sort of. That afternoon, I wore the shoes to dance class. As soon as the music started my shoes began pulsing. The high leather tops throbbed against my calves, mimicking the rhythm of the song. It was terribly uncomfortable. I only felt relief when I was moving, so I wandered around the room while Mrs. Dinette explained the dance. She thought I wasn’t paying attention and told me to stand still. Standing still was painful, but I didn’t want to say so out loud, so I endured it.
Then came the time to try out the dance. Here I thought the spell would pay off, but it didn’t. Instead the shoes jabbed at me every time I made a wrong move, which only made me stumble, which only caused more pain. By the end of the hour I could hardly stand. I followed the girls to the changing room where we all sat down to put on our street shoes. I started to untie the laces on my shoes, but when I saw the skin of my ankle, I gasped. It was bright purple with bruises! So I couldn’t change my shoes with all the other girls watching, so I had to walk home in them.
That's from the first letter, you can click the link to read the rest. And I hope you will, 'cause I want to know what y'all think!
(Again, I'll let you guess which character I write!)
Britt, what type of feedback are you looking for? Thanks for the explanation I have looked before and had a hard time figuring it out.
ReplyDeleteMostly just looking for general impressions. Want to know what readers like, what doesn't make sense, that kind of thing.
ReplyDeleteSometimes it's hard to know if it makes sense, since you (as the writer) know what's going on. It's good to make sure the readers know too....